In the Right Direction, Ever So Slowly

Whitney (2:20 pm PST, Friday, 5/13/22)

Our sweet girl. We have had a glimpse of her in the last couple of weeks. She was free from intense pain, off all her opioids, regaining strength, surgeries were a week apart (or more) and she’s really been looking so forward to the future, even making plans on how to decorate her room. 

Then the damn phone rang. I am very much in the loop of all of her care, sometimes I even get to share my opinion with the drs. They humor me. The voice that came over the line was filled with sadness and disappointment. “The bacteria is back, and it’s not looking great”. We decided to hit it hard and fast. 2 antibiotics through the IV, administered slowly for a longer window of coverage. New topical antibiotics for both bacterial and fungal infections. Surgery every other day with bedside changes being done in between. 

Pepper has been crabby. She has been in so much pain lately. She has been claustrophobic in her dressings, causing her bouts of anxiety. The antibiotics make her have little to no appetite. She’s lost a few pounds this week. Walking occasionally, sleeping a lot more. She’s tired. She was feeling “sad” a lot this last week. She asked me to hold her multiple times, and just “hug me mommy”. I’ve been drawn away helping Kyle & Krew get through their surgery recovery. Only allowing me a few hours a day to sit with and uplift her. 

I just want to be done, I just want it to be over. Make it stop mommy. I wish I could, Pepper. Mommy and Daddy want it as much as you. Just hold on sweet girl, there is a rainbow after this storm. We will see more of our sweet Pepper’s personality come out again, we are headed in the right direction. 

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