Scars

Addey Kerr (Pepper's aunt, 10:00am MST, Easter Sunday, 4/17/22)

A few weeks ago, I sat at my kitchen table finishing some homework. As I finished my assignments I began to scroll through my google photos. The pictures first made me laugh and then I came across one that made my heart hurt and I felt emotions stir inside of me. I do not feel anger often but that's what I identified this feeling as. It filled my chest with lots of pressure and tears began to fill my eyes. It was a beautiful photograph of me and my sweet niece Pepper. It had been taken about a year ago and I felt this anger because it took me a minute to recognize her as my Pepper. I hated that I recognized her face covered in scars and open wounds more than I did without now. I didn’t even know who I was angry with as I sat and sobbed. I wasn’t mad at God or at anyone in particular I was just mad that this was our situation. In my frustration and through my tears, I began to pray. I asked God why, why this happened. I asked him where our 10 second miracle was. Why was no one warned about the propane, or given inspiration to move it, or tighten the cap or tell the kids to go outside, all of which could have been so easy and what was the Gift of the Holy Ghost good for anyways if it didn’t warn of danger. It was one of the few times that I received an immediate response to prayer in my life. Through my tears and pleas, I felt the thought enter my mind from the Holy Ghost, “Addey, because I didn’t want to give you a 10 second miracle, I’ve given you an eternal one.” 

It is on this experience I hope to focus my thoughts today; on this eternal miracle, the Atonement of Jesus Christ and its power to heal. We have no shortage of pain on this earth. In your eyes I can see experiences that have built you but only by tearing you down first. I can see hurt, worry, pain in learning to forgive, fear of your future, loneliness and distrust. These are not easy loads, not only are they heavy but they are very painful at times as your heart aches for relief. I recently read Sister Elaine S. Marshall’s talk Learning the Healer's Art. In it she shares the difference between curing and healing. 

She shares “On [my] first day as a nurse, I assumed cure, care, and healing to be synonymous. I have learned they are not the same. Healing is not cure. Cure is clean, quick, and done—often under anesthesia. The antibiotic kills the pathogen; the scalpel cuts out the malignancy; the medication resolves the distorted chemistry. Healing, however, is often a lifelong process of recovery and growth…It requires time. We may pray for cure when we really need healing... Healing cannot happen in a surgical suite where the pain is only a sleepy memory. Cure is passive, as you submit your body to the practitioner. Healing is active. It requires all the energy of your entire being. You have to be there, fully awake, aware, and participating when it happens.” 

It is through healing that we can change. Healing does not neatly place us back where we were before a hard experience but healing is inseparable from pain unfortunately, and acts as a constant companion pushing us into new versions of ourselves. After healing, we will no longer be the same as we were. Pepper won’t be the same as she was before the fire. She will have grown, developed and matured into a new being. That is what healing does with no sparing of pain. She will be present and intentional every step of her healing process until she is made whole. What a beautiful phrase, “to be made whole”. To become whole means to have our hearts healed. I love this quote from Shari Phippen's ensign address entitled “Becoming Spiritually Whole” she says “...someday I will be made physically whole. But for now, wholeness comes not from being physically perfect but from faith in a Savior who will calm, comfort, and heal my heart.” That is exactly what we celebrate today, being made whole. It is only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that our hearts can heal. And how does he do it? Well he can only do it if we do it. Isn’t that interesting? That our part is simply choosing Him. That we simply have to get close to Him. Now he is not here with us today in person, so how do we get close with him? We pray, we read of him, we attend the temple, we go to institute, we teach of him and serve missions, we wear our temple garments, we reverently attend the sacrament, we pay our tithing and we serve our neighbors and in our callings, we forgive our enemies and love those that are difficult to love. Doesn’t that change the way you see those commandments that are so hard to follow when you see that they are just ways for you to get closer to the Savior, ways for you to push through the crowds and touch the hems of his clothing and to be cleansed and made whole? Each time you do any of those things, you are accessing the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you are approaching Jesus in spirit and being made whole. That is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is healing and growing into the person that he would have us become and that will require pain and scars. Don’t forget that Christ too has his scars of growth engraved on his hands. 

My family's bodies will be covered in scars all their lives on earth. All of us will feel the deep scars of learning and growth cover our bodies and our spirits. I hope you will love them as painful as they can be to look at. I know I have wounds that have yet to heal, and scars that have healed but are not quite easy to look at or live with yet. However, I hope that we can all grow into our scars with maturity and see them for what they are or what they can be; they are beautiful tributes to a Savior. Each one reminding us that we will be made whole through him, each scar is a reminder that we too are on our path to becoming, that we too like Christ, are learning and becoming exalted, that we too will someday be resurrected and that measurable growth is occurring. 

One last thought, two days ago, I received my grade back for a paper that I wrote about a month ago. It was an absolute horrible grade. I have never received such a bad grade on a paper. However, I literally closed my eyes, shook my head and laughed when I saw it and I thought, “You know, I want that on my record.” The week I had written that paper had been one of the most challenging in my life. I didn’t eat, I didn’t leave my house, I cried and I read my scriptures and during that week I got myself out of a really hard place and as a bonus, I wrote a crappy paper. I got it done! So in a way, my paper is my scar. It is my measurable proof and reminder that I grew and I overcame and I endured something hard, maybe not in my class but spiritually I actively participated in healing that week. I no longer feel that pain. I might say I’m a different person after that week, I am a new being with a new relationship with my Savior after that week and so keep the score. It makes me smile. It’s my scar. 

Brothers and sisters, I hope you can all find the healing you so desperately need this Easter season. Find him today. Push through your crowd of distractions and find a piece of his clothing to touch today so that you may be healed. Invite pain and welcome scars, wear them as your honor and as a reminder of whose you are and who you are becoming. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.