Anything Tangible

Whitney (1:53pm PST, Sunday, 4/3/22)

I put some before and after pictures together. Kyle & I never got to see the bus after the accident. It was rolled away to a junk yard. Just a pile of junk. No story. No memory. No feelings. I wish I could see it one more time. Grab the license plate or scrap a piece of salvaged something. Just for memory. Just to touch. Something tangible to put to our dreams. 

Kyle & I cried hard last night. Ugly raw crying. We just held each other and sobbed. We miss our bus. We miss our son’s face. We miss being together. We miss Pepper’s contagious spirit. We miss it all. Everything. 

I personally have to look at previous pictures of Krew. I can’t remember him. It’s cruel. I have to stop doing it, but I can’t. There’s this video, taken just a few days before the fire. The kids are all wrestling their dad on the floor of the bus. The laughing, the giggles and the happy faces in the video just make my heart swell. 

There is a plan. Right? We’re on the path to something bigger. Right? Everything will be ok. Right? God, we’re trusting you. We’re giving it all to you, we can’t do this without you. We are just moving forward. Guide us, please.