You Can Count On Me

Whitney (12:20pm PST, Friday, 2/18/22)

I woke up feeling angry today. Angry and emotionally tired. Probably from the whiplash effect of the news we received. We thought progress was being made, that grafts were being placed today. That anger quickly turned to feeling defeat. Then feelings of wanting to give up. To quit. 

I find myself at times living cautiously. The belief is, when I’m cautious or reserved I won’t get hurt. That’s a lie. It still hurts, you just outwardly don’t show it as much. I’m learning though. Learning to open up, get excited and hopeful. Being vulnerable is a learned behavior, that I’m still learning. The blessings are rich from being vulnerable. 

I found strength in your messages today. I found strength in great friends, and complete strangers. You reminded me, we’ve got this. God has us. And if God has us we cannot fail and we won’t fall!

After her surgery this morning she came back freezing (as usual). She asked me to get really near and cuddle her. I raised the bed and leaned against it and put my head against hers. She said, “Do you want to know what I want more than anything? I want all the pain to be gone and then I want to climb in your bed and cuddle”. Me too baby, me too. 

I’m now staring at Pepper. Sleeping. She looks like an angel. A sweet innocent girl, our girl. We can’t give up. Quit what? This is where we’re at. 

Pepper you’ve got me. You can count on me and dad being here no matter what, everyday. You can count on me to feel emotions, wallow in self pity, dust off and show up no matter the news. I’ll be happy with you, I’ll cry with you, I’ll pray with you. You can count on us. Just as you can count on Jesus.